Death is Not the End
by AQ
Summary: *UPDATED* ch5 S+S (in the end):P Syaoran is haunted my Meilin's death, and moves back to Tomoeda. But things get scary, and the only person who can help Syaoran is Sakura... but ill let yall find out wot happens!!! ^_~ R&R please, it's my first CCS fic!!!
1. Chapter 1

Death is Not the End  
  
By Anime Queen  
  
Hey all, me again!!! ^_^ Well, I really wanted to write a CCS fic sometime, and here it is!!!! It's my first.  
  
Disclaimer: I never owned CCS. so it's unlikely that I ever will. *sobs*  
  
Mr. Yashi: *pats on the back* You still own me, don't feel bad.  
  
Anime Queen: Yeah, you might be a one-chapter character, but hey, it feels good to own someone!!! ^_~ Enjoy the fic, and don't forget to review!!!!!  
  
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Chapter 1  
  
Syaoran's POV:  
  
Why does she always have to make everything so hard?  
  
I lay in my room, staring at the ceiling. Her smiling face floated in my mind. Meilin, how I never stopped thinking about her. Even now I still hear her laugh. I could even forgive her if she decided to leave me forever.  
  
I would do anything for her. I would give up everything just so she can be happy. If she would call, I'll tell her that. If she'd just call.  
  
I started at the phone.  
  
"Meilin." I moaned softly, and then sighed. Of course she wouldn't call. She wasn't that kind. She was the most independent person I've ever met. All the time we've been together, I could never tell what was on her mind. And yet, she had this soothing quality, that when I was around her, I just knew that everything will be all right.  
  
This wasn't the first fight we've ever had. But it was by far the biggest. And it was my entire fault, too. I gladly put the blame on myself just so we would make up, but this time it really was because of me, and there was nothing I could say this time to make it right again.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
"Meilin!" I waved and started pushing my way through the crowds to her. "Wait up!"  
  
She looked up and saw me, her eyes lingered briefly on my face, and then she turned away.  
  
"What have I done this time," I muttered under my breath, and continued walking, literally pushing people out of my way.  
  
"Look, whatever I did, I'm sorry," I said as soon as I was close enough to see her face cloud over.  
  
"You shouldn't have lied," she said quietly, and turned to go.  
  
"Well I said I was sorry!" I called after her. She turned and smiled sadly.  
  
"You don't trust me enough. I understand."  
  
"No you don't!" I called again, but she was walking. "Wait!"  
  
But she kept on walking. The crowds were thinning out.  
  
"Fine, if that's how you want it, that's how it's gonna be!" I yelled out, and she paused. "I don't trust you? Damn right, I don't trust you! You're just bitching and making it worse because that's the way you are!"  
  
She was running, and disappeared around a corner.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
Now, thinking about it, I definitely shouldn't have yelled at her. Maybe she would've forgiven me, but I ruined all my chances of that. She would never forgive me. Not after all I did.  
  
But just the prospect of being without Meilin terrified me. Ever since we were little, we were inseparable. I don't want it to end this way!  
  
I reached for the phone and dialed her number. I waited impatiently for her to pick up, but she didn't. No one answered, and I hung up in defeat.  
  
I stared at the grey Hong Kong sky, and thought, it's about to rain. The phone suddenly rang, and I jumped at the loud sound in the eternal quietness of my room. Snatching up the receiver, I immediately looked to see if it was her, but no, it was my boss.  
  
"Hello, Mr. Yashi," I said none too enthusiastically.  
  
"Li, what the hall is going on?" he yelled in return. "I'm not paying you to slack off at home! Get your ass in here on the double!"  
  
He hung up, and I sighed.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Yashi, of course, sir," I said sarcastically into the dead phone. Sure, working for the Hong Kong Bank was fun, but sometimes my boss just pisses me off. The money was real good, and I had a decent reputation. I grabbed my jacket and started walking towards the bank building. It had started to rain. A colorful array of umbrellas popped up all around me, only I continued walking under the downpour. I had an urge to cry, and maybe I did, I never could tell with all the water washing down my face. I didn't seem to be thinking of my boss anymore, it was Meilin who dominated my thoughts once again. Why couldn't I just let her go? But it was simple - I'd grown too attached, too dependent upon her. Once she's gone, it's like I have no will of my own. She owned my heart, body and soul.  
  
I walked in through the automatic double doors, and proceeded, dripping, to Mr. Yashi's office. I waved to a couple of people as I passed, who returned amused stares.  
  
"Li!"  
  
Mr. Yashi's head was poking out of his office door.  
  
"Get in here!"  
  
"Coming, sir," I sighed.  
  
I got inside the office, and took off my jacket. Water poured from it, forming a small puddle on the carpeting. My wet hair stuck in front of my eyes, and I shook it out of the way, landing a couple of rain drops onto his desk.  
  
"Sit," he commanded sternly.  
  
"What's the word, boss?"  
  
"Who do you think you are, skipping your shift like that?" he glared. I opened my mouth to say something, but he cut me off. "All you do is slack off, and you expect me to pay you?"  
  
"Sorry, sir, but it was an emergency, there was nothing I could do."  
  
"Emergency, my ass! You're a slacker, that's what you are, and if you care at all about keeping your job, I'd suggest that."  
  
His diatribe was interrupted by a flow of gunfire coming from downstairs. People were screaming, and it seemed like there was a panic.  
  
"What the hell." Mr. Yashi started, but I was already tearing down the stairs. It was in times like this that I was grateful for my gift.  
  
I skidded to a stop in front of the elevators, my sword held at ready. Just as I had suspected, it was a break-in. But these weren't your average bank robbers. Their flame-throwers shone in the light from the burning furniture.  
  
People were pushing through the mass to get to the door. The elevators were over crowded with people trying to get down. The criminals proceeded into the parking lot entrance, burning the path behind them. I followed them around the tumbling furniture, squinting through the heat to keep them in my view.  
  
When I got downstairs, everything seemed to be on fire. Some people tried to drive out before their cars exploded. I spotted running figures through the sea of bright orange, and aimed a flash of lightning at the spot. I couldn't see anything anymore, and the heat was getting to me. I ran over and saw the body that I've hit.  
  
The person was lying on his face, and I kneeled beside him. I turned the body over on its back, and suddenly felt as if my guts have been ripped out. I brushed off her black hair from her face, and stared at her pale skin.  
  
"Meilin. it's impossible. this isn't happening!"  
  
She opened her eyes slowly; they were just little slits now.  
  
"It hurts," she moaned quietly, and then, with a final flutter of eyelashes, she died.  
  
I held her for a long time, unable to believe what I just did. The fire around engulfed us, and I let it close in on me. I couldn't breath straight anymore, partly due to the shock, and partly to the lack of oxygen.  
  
"Meilin, no, you can't be." I choked on the last words, refusing to say it, refusing to accept it. I lay next to her, holding onto her corpse, which was now stone cold. The tears came next, completely drying out before they had a chance to roll down my cheeks. I saw a big piece of wood swinging my way, and crawled over Meilin's body to shield it from the impact. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Meilin's lifeless face.  
  
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Tada!!! That was a long chapter. hope yall enjoyed ^_^ Don't forget to review!!! (this is my first CCS fic, so bear with me if I made any mistakes, and please point out any in ur reviews - you're reviewing, right? - so that next chapter I'll hopefully get everything right ^_^ 


	2. Chapter 2

Death is Not the End  
  
By Anime Queen  
  
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So sorry for the long wait, you guys, but here it is!! The latest chapter for your enjoyment!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I did not, do not, and never will own anything Card Captor Sakura, yall got that? So don't sue, I'm poor. I couldn't afford a lawyer. *sobs*  
  
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Chapter 2  
  
. thoughts  
  
Syaoran's POV:  
  
"Meilin?" I held her lifeless body, feeling as if my own life force was slipping through my fingers. "Meilin!"  
  
This can't be happening.  
  
"Li?"  
  
I turned away and looked through the smoke to make out some shapes running towards me. With one last look at Meilin's face, I set her gently down.  
  
It wasn't my fault, I couldn't see. I tried to make up excuses, but the truth remained - I killed her. I killed the person I loved.  
  
"Li, what's going on here?"  
  
"Nothing, Mr. Yashi, they got away."  
  
My boss looked over my shoulder at Meilin's body and then looked back at me.  
  
"What happened to her?" he asked gruffly.  
  
"They got her, sir," I replied, trying to make myself believe that it's true. In a way, those arsonists might as well have done it. If it wasn't for all that smoke they made, then I wouldn't have hit her. I wiped at my eyes at the first sign of tears, but I guess Mr. Yashi already saw them.  
  
"Someone you know?" he inquired in a slightly softer voice. I nodded once.  
  
"Well I'm sorry kid," he grabbed me by my shoulders and turned me away as the paramedics lifted the body onto a stretcher and carried it away. "But there's nothing you can do for her now."  
  
The clean-up crews arrived and the fire was put out. I still couldn't get over Meilin's sudden death. I didn't even resolve our fight, and I didn't even get to say anything to her before she died. It had hurt, she died in pain. I couldn't forget her pale face in those final moments. I've loved her dearly, but in the end I couldn't protect her. My only consolation now was that maybe she's in a better place, away from me, and, hopefully, away from the pain that came with me.  
  
I walked out of the now smoldering building, allowing Mr. Yashi to propel me by the shoulders. I figured my Judgment Day has come already, and this was my eternal punishment. Mr. Yashi released me to go home, and as soon as I got there, I crashed into bed.  
  
My night was dreamless; all I could hear was Meilin's voice screaming at me, myself screaming back. Then everything went quiet, and her final worlds echoed,  
  
"It hurts."  
  
First I cried, and then I screamed her name over and over.  
  
"Meilin! Meilin!"  
  
But her echo kept getting quieter and quieter, until all was dark, but I continued to scream.  
  
"Meilin!" I yelled, and suddenly found myself in my room. The bed sheets were thrown aside, and I lay in my pajamas, soaking with sweat, my cheeks streaked with fresh tears.  
  
She's gone.  
  
I finally fell asleep, only to have the alarm clock wake me again at seven a.m. I let it ring for a couple of minutes before turning it off. The ringing and the screaming from the night mixed into a siren wailing in my head, giving me one serious headache.  
  
"Have to. go to work," I told myself firmly and pushed out of bed. I showered briefly and grabbed some coffee on the way out. As I approached the building, I felt slightly nauseous, but attributed that to my lack of sleep.  
  
My headache was getting worse, and I popped two Advil's in my mouth. Looks like it was going to be a long day. Mr. Yashi was good enough to let me get away with a warning, but I really have been skipping my shift. I stepped through the front door and headed to the door marked "Employees Only". I passed the door to the parking lot, and someone just entered thought it. I couldn't help but look inside, and that's when the screaming started again.  
  
The new noises elevated the dull pain in my head to a violent throbbing, and I reached for another Advil.  
  
Why won't it work? Extra strength my ass!  
  
I heard a faint whisper,  
  
"It hurts."  
  
Meilin. I hurt you once a gain. Why must I always be like this?  
  
I grabbed the wall for support, and shifted my weight from one leg to another.  
  
I have to get my ass into that office. I have to stop thinking about Meilin.  
  
It made my head ache more, of course, trying to erase my mind of everything crowded in there. And then I felt a sick sensation in the pit of my stomach, and almost doubled over from the pain.  
  
People were staring at me now, and I guess I was somewhat of a sight, holding onto the wall and sort of gasping for air. I felt like I was underwater, and it was getting harder to breathe. All I could think about was Meilin and the horrible way she had to die. I could still hear her whispering her last words to me.  
  
And then I felt sick of myself. No matter how many excuses I made, I still killed Meilin. I was her murderer. It was my fault I felt this way. I deserved to suffer. Heck, even death would have been a blessing right now. I would at least be free of these thoughts. I really did deserve to suffer like this. I -  
  
I didn't have time to finish my thought before my stomach seemed to turn inside out, and I began to feel the taste of the sour mass in my throat. My strength left me, and I couldn't make an effort to stop it from falling out of my mouth and onto the carpeted floor. My legs gave under me, and I blacked out before I even hit the floor.  
  
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The following after-scenes are for comic relief purposes due to the (supposedly) serious nature of the fic:  
  
Syaoran: Well that was embarrassing. you just HAD to make me throw up for all to see, didn't you??? *starts to advance on Anime Queen with a crowbar*  
  
Anime Queen: *hurriedly calls 911 while trying to hit Syaoran in the head with a baseball bat* Stay away!!! It *swing* has to *swing* go with the *swing* story!!! *swings a couple of times more, and misses* Pant, pant.  
  
Syaoran: Muahahahahahaha!!! You'll never get me!!! I'm the indestructible one!!! *throws up the crowbar and it lands on his head* Ouchies!  
  
Anime Queen: *sweat drops* Now that really WAS embarrassing. I guess that's what you get when you let all the excitement of being the POV narrator in the fic get to you head!!! ^_^  
  
Syaoran: Don't flatter yourself. *mutters about evil authors*  
  
Anime Queen: What was that? *gets suspicious*  
  
Syaoran: *nervous laughter* I'll just be going now, getting ready for the next chapter!! ^_^U tee-hee.  
  
Anime Queen: *shakes head* Actors!!! Well, anyways, hope you enjoyed it, please REVIEW!!!!! ^_^ Oh, and I would really appreciate any comments regarding my writing, as in how I could make it better, more readable, etc. And I tried to make this chapter portray the feelings Syaoran had, so any comments on that?? Again, please review!!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Death is Not the End  
  
By Anime Queen  
  
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Ok, here's another chapter. I don't have that many reviews for this, for some really weird reason... could it be there aren't that many CCS fans? No, there are, there are, I know who they are!! *squints into the audience looking for CCS fans, but sees nothing* Come out, come out wherever you are and give me some good reviews!!! I will still continue with the story, but a little support is nice ^_^ Well, if you're a CCS fan, I LOVE YOU!! But if you'll read and review, or review without reading, (but don't read without reviewing ^_~) I'll love you more!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, so don't bother to sue.  
  
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Chapter 3  
  
"Li! Li! Wake up!"  
  
The sound seemed far and unreal. My head throbbed inside and out, and I still felt sick to my stomach. My head started spinning when I tried to open my eyes, so I gave up for a while.  
  
"Li!"  
  
I made one more effort and slowly peeped out from under my eyelids. The ceiling slowly came into focus in front of me, and then the shadows morphed into the faces of Mr. Yashi and my co-workers.  
  
"Syaoran, dude, are you ok? You like collapsed in the middle of the place!"  
  
"Yeah, and it was all over the floor."  
  
A wet and foul-smelling cloth dangled in front of my eyes, making me quite dizzy and nauseated. This time, I managed to keep it down.  
  
"Misuki! Jenriko! Get out! Don't you see this guy needs some rest?" Mr. Yashi waved them from the room impatiently, and then returned to my side.  
  
"How you feeling, Li?" he asked me seriously, sitting down beside me.  
  
"I don't know..." I said slowly.  
  
"Of course you don't. Listen, why don't you get some rest?"  
  
"But the office - "  
  
"Ahh, don't worry about it," Mr. Yashi smiled and patted my arm. "We've got enough folks to work those damn computers."  
  
"Thank you sir."  
  
I wanted to sit up, but my head started swimming. He pushed me back down on the couch.  
  
"Get your rest," he winked and left, shutting the door and turning off the light. I was only too thankful for the dark and quiet, letting my mind slip into them.  
  
I have no idea how long I've been out, but Mr. Yashi was in the office with me. His desk lamp was on, and he was doing paperwork. Paperwork that I probably would've been doing. He noticed that I was awake, and came to stand next to me.  
  
"You know something, why don't you take a couple of weeks off?"  
  
Why is he being so nice all of a sudden? The other day he was yelling at me like there was no tomorrow.  
  
"Don't you have connections in Tomoeda?"  
  
"Yes sir, I do, but..."  
  
"No buts. Go home, clean up, and tomorrow I'm putting you on the first plane there."  
  
"Thank you sir."  
  
Arguing with Mr. Yashi was pointless. And besides, I didn't really want to. If he was offering a free vacation to Tomoeda, I was taking it. It's been too long since I've seen Sakura, anyways. Our Clow Card Quest ended when we were 10, and we haven't seen each other since.  
  
The next morning, as promised, Mr. Yashi sent me down to the airport in a taxi. On the plane I passed the time by thinking about Sakura. It's strange how there was no correspondence between us when I moved back to Hong Kong. And I hadn't really told her I was coming back. But then again, she probably didn't care. I wondered if she knew about Meilin's death. I hoped not.  
  
The plane landed in the afternoon, and it was sunny when I got out. The sky was actually blue, and not the smog-gray color I left behind. I felt my spirits lifting. Maybe I never had to go back. Here, I could start over, with no shadows of remembrance to haunt my every move.  
  
"Welcome to Tomoeda, sir!" the woman behind the desk smiled at me as I passed through security, and then customs. Soon I was out of the terminal, looking for a way to get to the hotel.  
  
It took me a while, but I've found the place. I paid the little kid on a bike for giving me directions, and checked in. Someone carried my bags up to my room on the second floor. I sat and stared out of the window while room service arrived.  
  
Will I ever escape Meilin? She seemed to come on that plane with me, and even now, out of the blue, I was still thinking about her. I didn't even go to her funeral. What kind of person am I? The kind of person who kills the girl he loves in the back and then hides it. Why couldn't I see it was her?  
  
And then, I remembered, it wasn't my fault - it was hot and dusty, there was no way I could've known. She shouldn't have been there at all! That's right, it was her own fault, and she paid for it with her life.  
  
I cried all afternoon and until it was time to sleep. But when I got into bed, the tears came afresh. I cried because I didn't know what else to do. Nothing would take back what I've done, and nothing will bring her back. I'd been wrong. Meilin will never leave me, and therefore, neither will the reminder of my own foolishness. She was gone, but she was always in my mind. It's like she was not really dead, but I knew that she was. And that wasn't a good thing. I knew that if I continued like this, I would end up crazy.  
  
I think I dreamt that night, but I can't remember. All I know is that I couldn't fall asleep for a very long time, and when I woke up, it didn't feel like I've slept at all.  
  
I left the hotel and started walking in the general direction of Tomoeda Elementary. When I saw the building, the memories came flooding in. Sakura on her skates and in her uniform, and I in my own uniform, walking next to her. Our friends, our teachers, our classrooms, our lives, everything came back to me in a split second. She would be in high school by now, she wouldn't be here. I turned to leave. Maybe she would be at home later. I don't know why, but I had an urge to see her again.  
  
I think I've walked for miles around the city, almost every landmark sparking a memory. I passed the park where we used to meet, and the ice cream shop where Sakura and her friends hung out after school.  
  
I came upon a lively part of town, but it was unfamiliar. I had never been there. People were everywhere - it was a sea of white and blue. I noticed a person standing next to the entrance. The sign behind her read 'Tomoeda High'. Her back was towards me, but it had to be Sakura Kinomoto. I ran.  
  
"Excuse me," I panted, and she turned around. It was the same frame of soft brown hair, and the same pair of bright green eyes, set in a slightly older face than I remembered. She was taller too. She turned and didn't say anything, she just stared.  
  
"Syaoran-kun, is that you?" her voice sounded as if she didn't believe it.  
  
"Yeah, it's me."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Why did you come back?"  
  
It was almost as if she didn't like it.  
  
"This is so great!" she squealed suddenly and jumped on my neck, not giving me a chance to tell her.  
  
"It's wonderful to see you, Sakura."  
  
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There!! Now, all I need are some reviews!!! Come on people! If this chapter was boring, I can understand that, I've been a little bored writing it myself, but I absolutely had to include this so I can go on to more interesting parts! This fic *will* get interesting! I swear, it will!!!! ^_^ So please, please, pretty please with another chapter sometime very soon on top??? *puppy dog eyes* Pleeeeeeaaaaaassseeeee!!! R&R!!! 


	4. Chapter 4

Death is not the End  
  
By Anime Queen  
  
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No into this time, it's too late in the morning...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura, or any of it's characters. I just like to make them do crazy things!!! *evil laugh* I'm evil, I'm evil, stay away from me!! But I still want your reviews!! ^_^ hehe...  
  
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Chapter 4  
  
(A/N: I decided to make the whole story in Syaoran's POV)  
  
I don't know when I was happier - when I actually found Sakura, or when she recognized me.  
  
"When did you get back?" she asked me as we walked towards her house.  
  
"A few minutes ago," I shrugged.  
  
"What made you come back?"  
  
That's right, Sakura doesn't know about Meilin. Should I tell her?  
  
"Whatever it is, I'm sure glad to see you!" she smiled. I thought I was off the hook, but she cocked her head expectantly, still smiling. That was Sakura for you - always so energetic.  
  
"I guess, I just missed Tomoeda."  
  
That was partly correct. I inhaled the fresh autumn air, so unlike Hong Kong, it felt like a complete change of scenery. And that was good. Whenever I thought about Hong Kong I thought about Meilin.  
  
"We have so much to talk about!" Sakura went on. "Are you free this afternoon? Great!" she exclaimed after I nodded.  
  
"Whatever happened to Tomoyo? Last time I remember you were always together."  
  
"She goes to Katsuya Girls' Private School, so I hardly ever see her. Sometimes I run into her at the library. She seems to go there a lot," Sakura explained. "What about you and Meilin? Did she come too?"  
  
I guess I had no choice, I had to tell her.  
  
"Meilin... she..." an image of Meilin's body lying in the parking lot flashed through my mind. "She's gone, she's dead."  
  
I could tell Sakura was surprised, but I didn't want to talk about it anymore.  
  
"I'm so sorry," she said quietly, looking at the ground. "When?"  
  
"Around 5 days ago."  
  
I tried to keep my voice level, but I choked on the last word. Sakura put her hand on my arm.  
  
"Are you OK? Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
The answer to both questions was no, and I shook my head. She rubbed my upper arm comfortingly. We walked the rest of the way in silence. I appreciated the fact that she didn't ask anything else, and didn't talk about Meilin like those bastards after her funeral. She opened the door to her house, and let us in.  
  
"I'm home!" she called, but no one answered. "I guess Father isn't back yet."  
  
I hung my coat in the hall, and followed Sakura into the kitchen.  
  
"Want some soda?" she asked me in a cheerful voice.  
  
"Sure. Thanks," I tried my best not to think about Meilin and enjoy Sakura's company.  
  
She talked to me about how she passed her entrance exams into high school, and how Tomoyo got a full scholarship to the prestigious school. I told her about going back to Hong Kong, getting to senior year in high school and then moving out and getting a job at the bank.  
  
"So how's it going with the Clow Cards?" I asked, when she started talking about Eriol Hiragizawa.  
  
"I feel as if they've always been mine," she laughed, as the cards fluttered into the room and formed a neat stack in her hands.  
  
"Now I know that all your determination wasn't in vain," I chuckles. "Well done."  
  
Sakura put her cards down on the table.  
  
"What about your gifts?"  
  
She had to remind me. But she didn't know the truth. She didn't know that my gifts killed Meilin.  
  
"I've been somewhat neglecting them, actually." At least this much was true. Having given up on pursuing my place among Clow Reed's followers, I didn't see reason enough to keep practicing the Elemental Arts (A/N: I didn't really know what they're called ^^U). Sakura's dad came home, and I got up to leave, since it was getting pretty late. I still needed to find a good place to eat.  
  
"Where are you staying?" Sakura asked me before I left.  
  
"The Otomaki Hotel. My boss it giving me paid vacation," I added, seeing the look of surprise on her face. "Better get going, then, see you later!" I waved and started walking down the alley towards the hotel.  
  
It was already dark, so I tried to keep to the lighted streets. Mr. Yashi was right - a change of scenery was just what I needed. It was great seeing Sakura again. I was glad she was doing so well. And even though she's grown up, her eyes still had that child-like sparkle that always cheered me up.  
  
I wasn't hungry anymore when I got up to my room on the fifth floor, so instead I went to sleep. For once, I didn't dream about Meilin. I fell into a sweet dreamless slumber, and when I woke up the next morning I felt considerably rested. It was the first time I've been able to sleep like this since Meilin's death.  
  
I had breakfast in a corner café, and tried to kill time until Sakura finished her morning and afternoon classes. In a way it was kind of pathetic, as if I came to Tomoeda for the sole purpose of seeing her.  
  
I met her outside the school gates, and took her out to dinner. We never seemed to run out of things to talk about. But then again, we did share part of our childhood, even if it was just destiny for Sakura to be master of the Clow Cards.  
  
It was still pretty early, so we walked around, until we ended up in the park. "Hey, remember the battle we had here?" Sakura became excited. "It was the time Meilin came to visit, do you remember?"  
  
I nodded. She had to bring up Meilin when I had almost forgotten her for the night. Sakura gasped, and covered her mouth with her hands.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I almost forgot..." she apologized, and I smiled sadly.  
  
"Yeah, so have I."  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered quietly.  
  
We walked a little more, until I reached out, draped my arm over her shoulders, and pulled her to me. She sighed - almost contently? I couldn't tell. I stopped abruptly, and she turned to face me. I leaned in, cupping her chin with my free hand, and kissed her lightly on the lips.  
  
I could tell she was surprised, but the next time it was her who pulled us into a deeper kiss. Somehow, we ended up on the wooden bench under the street-lamp, and then back in front of her house. She hurriedly kissed me, and then went inside.  
  
"Call me," she said before she closed the door.  
  
I refrained from running all the way back to the hotel, although I skipped up the stairs. Long after I went to bed I couldn't fall asleep. When finally I woke up, I've never felt better.  
  
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O-Kay! I'm finally done! Sorry this didn't come up last weekend, as I promised. It's 1:09 am, so technically, it's Saturday already! I got inspired, and punched out 13 typed pages of script for my original manga ^_^ when I get going, there's nothing that can stop me! Same goes for fanfics. Can be good, can be bad. I'll let the future show. Newayz, tell me what you thought of this chapter, and please review! I don't have many reviews for this fic at all... v_v not so much like my other ones. The most popular seems to be "I Will Always Be the Same" judging by the # of reviews I got for it. (hint hint! ^_~) Ok, just please review if you read it!!!!! ^_^ please! 


	5. Chapter 5

Death is Not the End  
  
By Anime Queen  
  
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A/N: First of all, I want to thank everyone for reviewing this!!! Not many ppl seem to click on this story, so here goes:  
  
Cherry Blossom: you're the greatest!! Thanks so much for sticking with me from the beginning and reviewing (more than once, at that, too!!!) I want to dedicate this chapter to you!!! Hope you read it and like it!! ^^  
  
Chiruri: I'm not sure if you're still reading this, but thanx anyways for the review!!!  
  
twoc2bcool: thank you for reviewing!!! I guess that sometimes ppl *do* get around to my story (one way or another) ^^  
  
Joey's Girl: THANKS SOOO MUCH!! I didn't expect to get another reviewer, much less one that took the time to R&R *ALL* of my stuff!!! Thanks again ^_^  
  
To answer some questions: 1) True, Meilin did die in the first chapter, but! Later on in the story something will happen including her! So please don't quit just cuz she died!  
  
2) Yeah, I did put that kiss in there for a purpose, and the purpose is: you'll have to read this chapter!!  
  
I guess that's it, so enjoy, and please please please review!!! ^^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. It's fanfiction, for crying out loud!!  
  
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Chapter 5  
  
Actually, when I woke up I felt more than better. It was as if something dormant awoke inside of me last night, with Sakura. I danced out of bed, and sang to a tune in my head. I didn't care if the people next door even heard me. I was staying at this hotel to, so I could do whatever I wanted.  
  
I got dressed hurriedly. Sakura told me to call her. Did she mean on the phone? Oh well, I can just go to her house. Today was Saturday, so that meant that she was home. I grabbed my wallet in a hurry, and it fell to the floor open, with some change rolling onto the carpet. I sighed, and got down onto my knees to pick up the missing coins.  
  
That's when the picture inside the open wallet caught me off-guard and I fell over. Meilin was smiling at me from the picture I took last year. Last year, when we weren't fighting. Last year, when she was still alive. It was surprising how a single moment like this could change a person's mood to the other extreme. Meilin was gone forever because of me, and all I could think about for the last 30 minutes was another girl? What was I thinking?  
  
"I'm sorry..." I choked, gathering up my head in my hands, and collapsing on the floor next to Meilin's picture. "Why did it have to be you? Why were you in that parking lot?" I was starting to feel sick again, just like that time in the bank.  
  
"I didn't mean to do it," I gasped, fighting to keep it inside until I could get off the floor and into the restroom, but I couldn't move. I tried to hold my breath, but it only gave me a headache. I was afraid to exhale, so I continued holding air. I felt my heartbeat get slower and slower, each beat coming with a sharp pain into my chest, threatening to rupture my ribcage. I was suffocating, and fast.  
  
I shut my eyes, and an image of Meilin's face flickered on and off behind my eyelids. Is this what it's like to die, I thought sadly. Was dying like this for her, too? This is horrible. Meilin, I'm so sorry...  
  
My breath came out in one violent shudder that shook my whole body. I thought I'd been sick on the carpet - it certainly felt like it in my stomach, but I didn't. My head still throbbed awfully, but at least I wasn't suffocating anymore.  
  
It was a long time before I dared to open my eyes again. I stared dumbly at Meilin's picture in my wallet, as I felt my eyes brim with moisture. When I blinked, I felt two stains on the carpeting.  
  
What am I to do now? Was last night with Sakura a mistake, I thought guiltily. And she expects me to call her. I would be a jerk not to. It wasn't her fault. I've messed up everything.  
  
What would I say to her if I do actually call her? Hi Sakura, I can't go out with you because I'm not over my dead girlfriend yet. Hi Sakura, I still love Meilin, and every time I think about you I feel like I want to die. Or better still - Hi Sakura, I'm so pathetic moping around on the ground so you'd be better off without me.  
  
Did I really want to dump her? Then why the hell did I kiss her?  
  
I stared at the phone helplessly. What do I do now? I don't want to screw up with Sakura, but Meilin... I shook my head. Meilin is dead. My boss was right - it's time to get over her. She wasn't coming back, and I need to start another life. Having thus reasoned, I started to fix my appearance, in the horrible realization that it was already four o'clock in the afternoon.  
  
I ran to her house, slowing down to a walking speed one block away. By the time I arrived at the front door I was no longer panting.  
  
Sakura answered the door herself after I rang the doorbell a couple of times.  
  
"Syaoran, come in," she motioned and then closed the door behind me.  
  
"Hi Sakura," I smiled. All my previous worries seemed to evaporate.  
  
We just kind of stood there, me looking at her staring at her shoes.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked her after she didn't make eye contact for over a minute.  
  
"I... I guess I wasn't expecting to hear from you," she said quietly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
She looked up at me and forced a smile.  
  
"Because I think..." she broke off the sentence and looked down again. "Maybe you're still in love with Meilin."  
  
I didn't say anything, so she continued.  
  
"Syaoran, do you really want to be with me, or is it just the fact that Meilin's recent death made you kiss me last night? Not that I'm complaining, I rather enjoyed it, but I wasn't thinking... Were you?"  
  
Before I knew what I was saying, I was telling her everything.  
  
"It's true that I'm grieved about Meilin. But she's not going to come back. And last night, I was thinking with my heart, and not my head. And my heart is telling me to move on..." I moved closer to her and put both my hands on her shoulders. "... with you."  
  
She looked up at me and smiled for real.  
  
"You mean it?"  
  
I nodded, and she leaned into me, and put her head on my chest.  
  
"It must have been so hard on you," she whispered. I continued to hold her against me. I realized that I wanted to be with Sakura. Not because I wanted to forget about Meilin, but because I wanted to be with Sakura.  
  
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I hope that wasn't too short... I wanted to make it a little bit longer, but I kind of gotten another writers block (must be the season... -_-;) newayz, please review!! ^^ 


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